Testing, Waiting, Contentment, and Gratitude

Have you ever been through a season of testing and waiting? Like, you know, waiting for gas prices to come back down so you can afford to take a little weekend getaway due to the restlessness you've felt all summer?

I have been tested many times in my life, but the past decade seems especially applicable and poignant.

There are so many goals and dreams that Jim Bob and I have for our future, one of the biggest ones being that we really want to own a decent plot of land and build a real log home (he even went to a log home class to learn how) on it.

We are both about to enter a brand new phase of life: our 40s. Jim Bob gets to try it on for size first as his birthday is this Sunday. Happy birthday, Sweetheart!

But this new phase brings with it an urgency and a desire to move forward and "get it done." Problem is, we don't have all our smaller goals met in order to reach this even bigger goal... at least not yet.

We have been working on meeting those goals. But lately, we have grown a bit impatient with all the steps that must take place in the interim. We are working on those steps, but the truth is that without the Lord's provision, none of it will happen.

So, we wait.

His Timing is Perfect

We wait upon His goodness, grace, and mercy in providing for us in His time and in His way. You'd think that by 40 years of age we'd have learned this lesson, but I think that we are still fighting some of the worldly influences we grew up with, the main one being that if you want something, you just do whatever it takes and get it... NOW!

But the Lord has more in mind for us and for our sanctification. He wants to teach us patience. He wants to test us. He wants to help us learn contentment. He wants us to be grateful; to be full of thanks for that which He has already provided.

So, let the great sloughing off begin, right? Well, the truth is, it's been going on all along. We are just now sleepily waking up to realize that He is working on us and teaching us to wait upon His goodness a little longer. But there's even more to it than that: He wants us to realize that He is good to us in the HERE and NOW. He wants us to live in praise, in prayer, in remembering that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-24), right were we are.

Many times, this is the ultimate test of our faith: staying where we are currently, even if it seems like the wilderness. Being still, knowing that He is God, and letting Him remove the dross, while we simply rest in Him, count our blessings, and remember all of His faithfulness to us: this—yes, this—is where true growth is found.

Calm My Anxious Heart

See, maybe gas prices staying so high that we can't travel anywhere has been good for me after all.

Now, repeat after me: "I will not look at travel brochures, I will not look at travel brochures."

But I will praise... so, if you happen to stop by or call me, don't be surprised if you hear praise music blaring in the background... I have it turned up to drown out everything else, and keep me focused.

"There He made a statute and an ordinance for them, and there He tested them." —Exodus 15:25b

Lovingkindness and Faithfulness

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, And Your faithfulness every night." —Psalm 92: 1-2

Mental note to self:

1. Give thanks to Him right away every morning
   
   This will get me off to thinking in the right direction first thing. No room for negative or ugly thoughts when I'm thanking Him for everything I can think of as soon as I awake.



2. Declare His lovingkindness every morning
   
   If I'm alive and breathing, He has been gracious to me and has shown me great lovingkindness to allow me to see the faces of those I love once again.



3. Every night, review His faithfulness to me and mine
   
   If we made it through the day intact, and we had everything we needed along the way, He has been most faithful to us, and I should declare it to Him in a prayer of thanks, and teach my children the same.

That's pretty straightforward, I think. I'll spend some time praising Him now. How about you?

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for....

Baby Steps

We have had quite a busy summer here in the Howard family. Jim Bob has been very busy with work, the children with exploring the beauty of creation all around us, and my youngest has been consumed with learning to walk! I cannot believe that she is already there. You know that feeling when your baby starts to walk; something inside of you wants to scream, "Oh, you are so precious with your little toddle of a walk, but would you please slow down! Mommy's not ready for you to grow up yet!"

Have you ever noticed the excitement, joy, and elation mixed with fear in a beginning walker's face? This time is such a ride of emotions for both the toddler and me every time. Such is the pattern of life.

When we walk, sometimes we fall, but every time we make it without falling, there is such a sense of completion, satisfaction and pure joy; the joy of the Lord. Can you even begin to imagine how it is for our Lord every time He sees us walking the straight and narrow to Him? Like a little babe, we look to Him for encouragement that we can do it. We have excitement, we have joy , we have fear in the walking, yet He is always there; leading us, encouraging us in every step of the way... and He dances over us with joy when we cross the finish line.

We are walking some exciting steps here in the Howard family of late. We are growing and learning new things daily. We are relying on the Lord. We feel His joy. We praise Him for His unfailing care. Our God is great! Praise Him!

In The Arms of Grace

This morning I re-read Psalm 46. This psalm is one of my favorites. I've read it so many times, but this morning certain parts of it struck me afresh. I needed the reminder that He is always with me.

Verse 5: "God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her."

Verse 7: "The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge."

Verse 8: "Come, behold the works of the Lord."

Verse 10: "Be still, and know that I am God..."

Verse 11: "The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge."

When I started my quiet time this morning, I was thinking of berating myself for all of the ways that I've fallen short lately, and then looking up scriptures to speak to those character flaws. But my Lord had a different plan—a better plan. He, being a wise and loving Father, instead took me on His knee, spoke words of comfort, kindness, and grace to me. He soothed the raging seas within me. He calmed my storm. I am at peace once again in His loving care.

Lately, my oldest daughter has wanted to be held a lot. I've given her that love. I've given her that "cuddle time," knowing that she's happier and much more content afterward. Now I know how she feels. Sometimes we all need to be held, loved, and put at peace. Sometimes we all need to simply "Be still and know..." Know not only that He is God, but that He loves us, He feels our pain, and "weeps with those who weep." He knows our need for comfort and grace—and He gives it abundantly.

Lord, help me to come to You for that comfort more often. In the busy-ness of life and caring for so many others, I can forget that I must be filled by and with Your love first, before I have any to give, because You are my Source for all. Thank You.

Learning

As I have been enduring a loss in my life, I have seen the incredible goodness of the Lord at the same time. Many of you have either emailed me or commented and I want to thank you for your encouragement and prayers. It means much to me that you are so thoughtful as to pray for me even when some of you have never met me. You are evidence of Jesus' continuing grace in my life.

I have endeavored to fill my time and my thinking with things that are "noble, just, pure, lovely, good, and praiseworthy" as Philipians 4:8 says to do. I have been thinking about what I will be studying with my children for the upcoming year, and planning out their lessons and reading. I have also been busy with reorganizing the house to make things run more smoothly, not only for school, but to make our entire family more comfortable and so that it is easier to find things when we need them. And, finally, I've been piddling around a lot in my garden. I think I'll plant a few more perennials to add beauty and loveliness to my home. I think I will also script out some of my favorite passages of scripture to keep me constantly aware of the Lord's presence and good work in my life.

I wonder, what else do you all do to keep your focus on the things of the Lord and on His goodness in your life during times of trial? I mean, I read scripture and I pray a lot... that is first and foremost, without that nothing else will help. But I want to know what others do in addition to that. I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback.

The Pruner Who Was and Is and Is To Come

Lord God, I am hurting over the loss I am currently going through. Why is it that whenever I get such an enormous blessing in my life that it seems to be taken away?

Maybe it's not that way in reality. Maybe it only feels that way at the moment because of the intensity of the trial. I have to believe that You are at work for my good and the good of all of those involved. You most certainly are sovereign and full of grace and mercy. You always have been, You are, and You always will be.

You were there in my past when things were seemingly too hard to bear. You promise to always be there in the future, to never leave me nor forsake me. I must believe in You in the here and now while this one painful trial is to be endured. Your grace IS. It is sufficient, it was sufficient, it always will be sufficient for me.

As Psalm 78 reminds me to tell the next generation of Your marvelous deeds in days past ("We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done."), I must also remember at this time that You are still here. I must make the list stick firmly in my head of the wonderful things You have done for me in the past so that I will not grow faint in the now. I will. I will go and make that list, and as a sacrifice of praise, I will thank you for those things and for how You are at work now even if I cannot see what You are doing by pruning me in this painful manner.

I do thank You that You have proved Your love to me in the past by pruning me and allowing my roots in you to grow deeper through the pain. I have always, always grown stronger and more firmly trusting of You and Your goodness to me with every cut of Your shears in days gone by. I will remember those times, and your faithfulness to me through it. I am trusting You now to do the same in this present circumstance.

I praise You for You are good. You are faithful. I will not waiver in my belief, by Your grace. And by Your grace, You will see me through. You ARE seeing me through. You have always seen me through. For You are He Who was, and is, and is to come (Revelation 4:8).

Thank You, Jesus.

Bad News

What do you do with bad news? There's the worldly reaction of throwing one's hands up in the air, wanting to give up, throw in the proverbial towel, get depressed, and possibly have some sort of knee-jerk reaction to the news.

But that's not an option for any professing Believer. We are to hope as never before. We are to trust in Christ alone for the outcome. We are to listen to wise counsel. We are to lean on the strong right arm of God Almighty. We are to look to our local Body of Believers for support and care. This, this is the right response.

Pray for me. I've received bad news today. I will not blog about the specific news, but I do covet prayers in handling this news in a godly manner. It would be easy, comfortable, and my usual M.O., to turn inward and say nothing to those closest to me of how hurt I am, but I must not do this. I must rely on Christ and His Body to see me through.

Thank you for your prayers.
Amy

Total Control

Over the years, if I have learned anything it has been to allow the Lord total control. He has all the control anyway, but so often I try to take it back, put myself on the throne and make all the decisions for myself. Isn't this what Eve did? Didn't she decide that she would rather be in control than surrender?

Surrender. Do you know what that word means? Webster's 1828 dictionary defines it as: "The act of yielding or resigning one's person or the possession of something, into the power of another." All the rights we think we have, all of the wants, desires, dreams, and goals we have... surrendered into the power of Another.

Sound scary? Of course it does. Know anyone trustworthy enough to be that safe-haven to which one could give all of this? There is no mere mortal to whom I could entirely give myself with reckless abandon. There is only One Who is worthy of this distinction, and that is Christ.

When I became a Christian, I didn't really realize what the Lord would ask of me. Marriage, children, ministry, friends. Give, give, give.

What I also didn't realize is that I would not be alone to find the strength with which to continue after I had given what I thought was my all. No, Christ reigns supreme in me and, as such, fills me with His life in order for me to continue to give, give, give. No, no "pity parties" allowed here. I have all I need to go on daily... I have Christ. I will never thirst for I have been given Living Water to sustain me (John 4:13-15). To surrender to this kind of captivity is to be taken hold of by the kindest Captor ever known to man, the One who surrendered His all... for me.

"For the Lord will judge His people and have compassion on His servants, when He sees that their power is gone..." (Deut. 32:36)

Service As A Privilege

While spending some time with the Lord one morning last week, I read my ususal round of devotions to go along with the Word, and in the process found this from Elizabeth Eliot:

"The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ."

My entire life long this passage, Romans 8:28-29, has followed me in every situation. My mother had this verse hanging on my bathroom wall:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren."

The "route to sanctity," as Elizabeth Eliot puts it, is exactly why He allows those challenges that we must accept in our lives. Those challenges come in so many forms, whether it be marriage, childrearing, financial pressures, illness of self or another loved one, etc..

The key to joy isn't how few of those things from which we can escape, rather it is in seeing the challenge rightly. It lies in seeing it clearly through Christ's eyes. When we realize that He is treating us as real sons and daughters when he chastens us is key to understanding that His love knows no bounds and certainly only wants the best for His own. The key to joy is realizing that all that He allows in our lives is mercy and grace. The very air I am allowed to breathe is grace overflowing.

So, if we are chosen to endure hardship, or simply given a job that is very demanding (Hello, any of you mothers out there agree with me on this one?), we need to look at it as stated above:

"The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity."

Even this HARD thing I have to do? Even this pain I must endure for His name's sake? Even when I feel so overwhelmed?

Yes, Yes, and still again I say, Yes! It is a privilege to serve Him in this way... no matter what it is. As painful as that may seem, it is God's honest truth... His best for us. And therein lies hope. Hope that He is indeed changing us into the image of His Son. What higher privilege could I ask? I must make this offering to Him wholeheartedly in order to know Him more, to love Him and Him only. This and this alone is my purpose... not some contrived, man made hope of sharing God's glory. That would be vanity, pride. No, my purpose is to bring Him glory, to reflect Him. And when I do that, I will truly be entering into His presence and able to understand what it means to enjoy Him. No best-seller can help me find a purpose higher than this.